For me, the word Hospitality has always made me nervous. Maybe because my first
experiences with it were major fails. I remember one time many moons ago, I had a
dinner party for way too many people. When it was all over, I thought, “I will
NEVER do that again.”
It’s because I had a “Here I am!” mentality, not a “There You Are!” mentality. (I’ll explain what I
mean by that on Episode 89 and also, down below.)
By the time my guests arrived, I was worn out and resentful. It had absolutely nothing to do with the guests. and everything to do with me. I practically killed myself trying to get everything right. I wanted it all to look and smell and taste perfect. The house was spotless, the tables were set. (We had 4 bc there were so many people!) The food was all on the stove and staying warm in the oven. And one dish was in the crockpot. I made everything. All the recipes in my brand new recipe box. (This was way before the internet.) Everything I knew: I cooked it all.
I waited till the day of to cook everything from scratch because of course, everything had to be
homemade and I wanted it all to come out of the oven hot and fresh at the same time. (This was
way before instapot too.) I kept burning things and nothing was turning out right… and I’d invited
too many families…..I just made it so NOT fun for myself. It was stupid.
Everyone there seemed to be having a good time because someone else had done all the
work… and they were happy to see each other… but I was tired before they even GOT there. I
was anxious-but I’m an actor and I have a naturally sunny disposition so they thought i was
having a blast too but I was not really there at all; as far as being present emotionally, I was
I basically set myself up for disaster way before that dinner party. I had a martyr approach…
as in, “Here I am slaving away in the kitchen all day for you… Here I am trying to make the
house look perfect for you and do all the things minutes before you get here so you’ll be so
impressed at my creativity.”
But it really wasn’t for them; it was all for me! I was totally self absorbed.
Well Love, the way I tried to do hospitality before is not at all the kind of hospitality Jesus
intended for us. I was doing it all wrong. So it’s not that I need to stop doing it; it’s just that I
needed to change my mindset about it.
SO I’ve been studying about hospitality. Barbara Rainey has some great resources at Everthine
home, Rosaria Butterfield writes and speaks about it all the time… and our church did a series
on it this summer. https://www.fellowshipbiblechurch.org/brentwood/series/a-generous-table
I started getting a strong sense that the Lord never meant for hospitality to feel like a noose
around our necks. I began to wonder, what if hosting someone in our home is meant to bring
delight to our own soul, to refresh us, as much as to our guest? What if the point is not to have
fancy gourmet meal every time or get your house to look just perfect?
Hospitality is a state of mind. and heart. It’s about opening your self up to others, sharing a
welcoming spirit…. Not coming at it with a “Here I am” attitude, like I did, but a “There you
What does a “There you are” heart look like?
Well, it looks like a woman at rest… a woman who has been full up from gazing at the Yes face of Jesus… and finds the Love of Christ just has a way of overflowing onto those in her sphere organically… it’s not something she produces – anymore than she produced the fruit on her table.
The way fruit happens is that tree or that person -Whether it’s fruit of the spirit or fruit on a
branch —their job is to abide in the vine. Then the fruit appears…
“…the fruit of the Spirit [the result of His presence within us] is love [unselfish concern for others], joy, [inner] peace, patience [not the ability to wait, but how we act while waiting], kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such things there is no law” Gal 5:22,23
I’m putting together a small group experience around this “Clumsy Hospitality” theme for women
who want to grow in this area. Here’s more on that. We’ll meet once a week all through October on Thursday mornings, using the coach approach which is basically, I’ll give a prompt and listen while you talk.
Our group will be conducted over the phone, on a bridge call- which is how they do classes where I’m getting my certification. PCCI (Professional Christian Coaching Institute) and it’s worked so well that this is also the way I’ve been doing 99% of all my coaching sessions… If you’ve never done a bridge call, it’s easy. I’ll show ya.
I love doing sessions on the phone bc I’m not distracted by your cute hair or that adorable dimple on your chin, as I would be in person or on a video call. :-0) Limiting things; my senses…. to just my hearing, really helps me put on my powerful listening coaching techniques that I’ve been learning…. I get to really focus on hearing your heart and it allows you to hear your heart too.
And when we’re doing a group coaching session this way, over the phone, you can take part no
matter where you are- even if you’re in Washington State or Ohio or New Hampshire or in my
sweet Tennessee!!! :-0) Shout out to my friends in all those beautiful places. It also works
great if you have littles; some fellow coaches hire a mother’s helper while they’re on a call; it’s
just the best.
I’ve gotten some positive feedback about this small group idea – It came to me during a
discussion in my group coaching class… I brought it up and they were all like, “Yeah, sign me
up!” (It’s so funny- even when I get good feedback about something I’m doing, or an idea I’ve had, it always feels so vulnerable to put stuff out there like this. there’s always this fear of “Nobody’s
gonna sign up.” “Who’s actually going to do this???” and “Who am I to be offering a group on
hospitality??? ME? MOI??? of all people? ) Major Imposter Syndrome….
The truth is, I KNOW I’m far from an expert on hospitality, but I can offer a listening ear and I can support you as we grow past our feelings of inadequacy or insecurities…. bc as we’ve said so many times, confession is the first step in freedom. Every time we confess a weakness it loses its power over us.
Let’s pull out our swords and wield them against the enemy of our unity. Let’s fight against our tendency to isolate… and keeping the treasure in our jars of clay to ourselves. We can’t shut up about this Jesus. and hospitality is going to play a key role in our bringing neighbors and acquaintances into the warm and welcoming fold of Christ over the next weeks and months and years to come.
If you want to grow in this area of hospitality, please contact me soon.
We’re going to try hard to keep it small. Email me today- Karthimasters@gmail.com .
If you sign up before next Thursday, Sep 19th, you’ll get a free coaching session too.
Just another way for you to live out love!
Till next time, Bye Love!
ps- I forgot to use my typical “Hey Love” greeting at the top of this episode. As I was listening down, I kept thinking, hmmmm…. something’s missing. :-0) CLUMSY ME!!!